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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27251905">Worth Everything and More</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeHatesYou/pseuds/LeeHatesYou'>LeeHatesYou</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Parents, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Alternate Universe - Maryse never told Magnus about the Deal, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depressed Magnus Bane, Emotional Manipulation, Happy Ending, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus goes with Asmodeus, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, Protective Alec Lightwood, manipulative Asmodeus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:26:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,609</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27251905</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeHatesYou/pseuds/LeeHatesYou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus had agreed to come rule with his father. Against his best interest, he did. And though he knew the open arms and warm smile he saw in his father before were a facade, he still allowed himself to drift right into the claws of the demon he really was. Being manipulated and used, to him, was better than being alone and in pain.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Asmodeus &amp; Magnus Bane, Magnus Bane &amp; Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane &amp; Maryse Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Things to Learn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It had been quite a few months since Magnus had agreed to rule Edom alongside his father. He couldn't remember exactly how many months, not that he'd really been trying. He hadn't been keeping track of much at all, really. He'd simply floated through days until they numbered into a month, and then another, and then another. If he was honest, he wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been there for a year, maybe more. In all this time, though, he'd begun to settle into the crumbled and dimly-lit manor, where he’d spent some of his earliest years. With all the time he’d had alone it began to dawn on him how long ago that truly was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It seemed that the castle had been falling apart ever since he was a child. He’d wonder every now and then why it hadn’t fallen after so many centuries, and why his father had never tried to repair it. He would have assumed an all powerful demon such as himself would have the means for that, at least. It had been centuries since he'd seen his father before he approached him on the street. Magnus wished he could say he barely remembered his father’s face after so long, but that would have been a lie. A significant one at that. He’d remembered most things about his father, including the seething malice that drenched his voice even when he was speaking words of love. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus had been so exhausted then. He was homeless, he’d lost the love of all the years of his life, and along with it, his family. His heart was not much more than an aching mass of pain and abuse on those impossibly long, agonizing days. He’d experienced so much heartbreak over so many years, over so many lovers, but all of that seemed to disappear when he met Alexander. He realized then that maybe it hadn’t after all. It was just awaiting the terrible, tragic climax that marked the end of his happiest days to rear its ugly face at him once again. And no matter how he’d felt before, In that moment, as he was walking along the streets of New York, the sight of his father’s face was a little easier to stomach than that pain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus had agreed to come rule with his father. Against his best interest, he did. And though he knew the open arms and warm smile he saw in his father before were a facade, he still allowed himself to drift right into the claws of the demon he really was. Being manipulated and used, to him, was better than being alone and in pain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So we come upon Magnus and Asmodeus in the Castle, as always, discussing ways to make sure their following stays faithful. Being the prince of Edom, Asmodeus needed to be sure his subjects stayed in line and on his side. He had his own ways of doing things, and of course, with Magnus now ruling alongside him, his ways were being challenged. “This is Edom, Magnus. Everyone is out for our heads.” Asmodeus sneered at his son. He’d gone soft, always so worried about everyone else’s feelings. “I understand that, father, but why should they trust us if we have no trust in them?” Magnus argued, calm and patient as ever. He knew that putting on his ‘high warlock’ confidence and tearing into his father would only bring hell upon himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stood above Asmodeus, leaning forward with his hands on the dining room table as his father sat in his usual chair at the head of it. He was wearing a button down, along with some high waisted tailored dress pants. About a third of his buttons were undone and his sleeves were rolled up as well. It truly was hot as hell in Edom, which meant that this was the most he could comfortably wear the majority of the time. Asmodeus, on the other hand, was wrapped up in his usual silvery-grey coat, ascot and dress pants. He seemed to have a rotation of outfits that he would wear over and over again. Unlike Magnus, dressing well was a statement of power to Asmodeus, not a means of creative expression. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Son, there is no such thing as trust here. You either serve or you die.” Amodeus was beginning to get angry as he spat back at his son. If Magnus had allowed Asmodeus to raise him right, his son would never be spouting such pointless sentiments to him. His son would be powerful, not meek and spineless and </span>
  <em>
    <span>kind</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “There are better ways to lead.” Magnus said. He’d spoken it with his chest. He hadn’t meant to challenge his father that way, but it was already on his lips before he could hold it back. It had been barely an instant before Magnus blurted his response, and as soon as he did it his heart dropped to his stomach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just mean.. Maybe creating some relationship with your-.. Our followers.. Could create a more stable foundation, and prevent a revolution.” He paused, feeling the words try to escape back down his throat. The silence continued weighing on him, creating such a pressure that he felt as though he was at the bottom of the ocean. And the water is completely still. So, so still. His father stared blades into the side of his face and the only thing he could do to try and relieve the pressure was by explaining himself. Just hoping that his father would understand, or at least stop being so quiet. “And.. I think-’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asmodeus stood, swift and smooth and Magnus hadn’t realized what was happening until Asmodeus was barely an inch from his face. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> think what??” Asmodeus’s voice boomed. “I open my home to you and I love you endlessly, and you repay me by placing judgement on my skills as a leader??” Magnus lowered his head. As much as he could, at least, with how little space he had between his father’s face and his own. “Who gave you back your power? Who took you in when you needed someone, even after how you’ve treated me all those years?” Asmodeus was tearing right into the kindness in Magnus’s soul. His son was an empathetic person, and he knew how to use it to his advantage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have shut me out, scorned me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>banished</span>
  </em>
  <span> me how many times? How many times, Magnus?” Asmodeus paused, and Magnus couldn’t tell if he wanted him to answer or not. The tension created an uncomfortable pull on his chest that made him long for Asmodeus to go back to staring silently at him. Magnus glanced up to read his father’s expression. The minute raise of the eyebrows told him that Asmodeus was, in fact, expecting an answer. “I.. I don’t know.” He admitted quietly. More silence fell as Asmodeus stared at him, expression unmoving, and his stomach churned. He knew he’d made the wrong choice. Asmodeus huffed and sat up straight, the inch of space between them growing to a foot, and Magnus watched warily as his father’s face softened. “I do.” Asmodeus said, his voice barely any more than a whisper. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Magnus’s heart dropped as he listened to the hurt in his father’s voice. He knew how it felt to be cast out, thrown aside, </span>
  <em>
    <span>unloved</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His own actions against his father now rung in his head with a new meaning. He had done to his father what so many others had done to him. Asmodeus, truthfully, was not haunted by such things, but he knew that Magnus’s biggest weakness was his unwavering care for others. His heart. He would put on whatever show he had to to get his son to stop being such a blubbering child. It was for his own good. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Asmodeus stepped around the corner of the table and placed both of his hands upon the sides of Magnus’s face, giving him a pitying look.  “I love you so much, my dearest son.” He hummed, pulling Magnus into a tight hug. “I just need you to respect my choices sometimes. Do you understand?” His voice was gentle and kind, but his words had just the smallest edge, similar to that of a newly sharpened pocket knife. Magnus leaned, tense and hesitant as he was, into the embrace. A ghost of a thought ran through his head for just a moment. He didn’t remember having to be so careful with Alec.. complaisent. But then again, his better sense reminded him, Alec </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> leave him in the end. Maybe he did have some things to learn.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Truly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>We find Alec in his office at the New York Institute, signing paperwork, checking emails, and calling insubordinate Shadowhunters in to be scolded. It was as it usually was, and because of that, days tended to blend together for Alec. That was one of the many differences between Magnus and Alec. When faced with conflict, Magnus distracted himself with adventures and partying while Alec buried himself in his work and made sure his days were as grey as they could possibly be. Alec stared down at the screen before him, scrolling through files and emails with lethargic fingers. His life had never been so dull.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Just as Magnus sat contemplating the choices that lead him to his father, Alec sat just the same. He wondered frequently about Magnus and how he was doing. It was often that he laid in his bed at the institute and realized how truly lonely it was without Magnus’s company. He tried to keep it out of his mind, how things had left off, and how Magnus’s last memory of him had been a painful one, but most of the time it was a pointless attempt. He wondered if Magnus had kept that pain close to his breast or if he decided to weaponize it instead. Was he restless or vengeful? He supposed there was no real reason he wouldn’t have taken them both on in a fit of righteous spite, but he still hoped that the Magnus he knew managed to survive.</p>
<p>	It’s a difficult thing, living without a love that you’d chosen to lose. Even if it was a choice that saved his life. Alec, mind you, had not yet accepted the fact that what had been done was done, as rational as he may seem. He spent his days wondering if Magnus hated him, and then validating him for it anyway, wondering where he was, and reminding himself that he wasn’t to know. And when he wondered if Magnus was okay, the answer was always a teetering scale, never between one way or the other. He was either better off, or the worst he’d been in a long time. Not knowing was like a weight dragging along behind Alec’s ankles.</p>
<p>	This cycle of longing and denying, dreadful as it was, acted as a comfort blanket for Alec. It kept Magnus and their love alive in his mind. Without the memory of Magnus and what he would’ve wanted, Alec would have to admit that he was no longer a part of a partnership with Magnus. That he could no longer give Magnus what he needed, as Magnus didn’t need anything from him anymore. So, Alec convinced himself that Magnus <em>did<em> need something from him. Even if it were truly nothing. </em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>	We find Alec in his office at the New York Institute, signing paperwork, checking emails, and calling insubordinate Shadowhunters in to be scolded. It was as it usually was, and because of that, days tended to blend together for Alec. That was one of the many differences between Magnus and Alec. When faced with conflict, Magnus distracted himself with adventures and partying while Alec buried himself in his work and made sure his days were as grey as they could possibly be. Alec stared down at the screen before him, scrolling through files and emails with lethargic fingers. His life had never been so dull.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>        A dark haired head ducked itself around the corner and into the room, and Alec failed to notice as he struggled through another unrelieved reply to another unrelieved email. “Alec, we need you in the main hall. There’s an issue with the formation plans.” That voice was more than enough for Alec to know who had made their way into the room. His beloved little sister, Isabelle, stood at the door with her arm resting on the doorframe. She, as per usual, exuded natural confidence as she looked at her brother expectantly. Alec looked up from his tablet and huffed, sitting up to face her properly. “What exactly is wrong? Why can’t Jace help?” Alec questioned his sister’s intentions with a doubtful tone. He suspected that she was forming some plan to get him to ‘cheer up’. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>	Isabelle never ceased her infernal sisterly love when she could tell something was wrong. And since practically the whole shadowrealm had heard about what happened and could tell just fine on their own, his sister had evolved to an omnipotent knowledge of all the layers and stages of grief Alec was going through at any point in time. It was insufferable. Alec just wanted to trudge through the days like he’d been doing for the last 5 months and just let the amotivation wash him away from the responsibility of feeling as horrid as he should. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>	As Isabelle stepped in farther into her brother's office, she smiled and slid out a sly excuse. “He’s out.” she said, watching as Alec raised his brow, clearly not very shocked at the circumstances. “How convenient.” He huffed in response. Isabelle finally let down the playful way about her and showed her true concern for her brother. “You can’t just stay cooped in here forever.”<br/>
“Can’t I?”<br/>
“Give me a good reason why you have to.”<br/>
“I’m <em>busy<em>.”<br/>
“You’re not.”<br/>
Alec let out a long sigh and looked up to meet eyes with his sister. He could see a need for something in her gaze, but he couldn’t make it out. Or, more accurately, he didn't want to. “You’re not any more busy than you’ve always been,” Isabelle continued. Alec winced, knowing that he didn’t have a response for what she was about to say. “You’ve always made time for Jace and I.” Isabelle’s accusation stung in the swimming silence of the room. And just has Alec had predicted, he had absolutely nothing to say.</em>
  </em>
</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>	Isabelle had two words sitting in the back of her throat that she knew would hurt Alec, but he needed to hear them. He needed to remember, <em>really<em> remember what happened, and if she had to force him to, she would. “For Magnus.” She let them slip through her lips and watched her brother’s whole body recoil as he looked back down at his tablet. Before he met Magnus, Alec used to punish himself. Constantly on his own ass for being human at all. He was strung up so tight all the time before, and Isabelle was so terrified once she saw how Alec had settled after leaving Magnus. He just seemed to sink downward endlessly, never once even attempting to swim in any direction at all, nevermind up. </em>
  </em>
</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>	Alec didn’t have many moments in his life where he'd been angry towards his sister, truly angry, but after her spitting something out like that, he felt it like a wave slamming over his head. He wanted to spit back at her more than anything. The words bubbled up in his throat and rose like shaken carbonation. “Magnus isn’t here anymore.” He whispered. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>       He’d lost the weak grip he’d had on his emotions so fast, he surprised <em>himself<em> when he’d found he didn’t yell at his sister. He’d meant to, or he at least he thought he’d meant to. He felt like he was going to. He even felt as though he’d needed it. To yell, to scream, to cry, but it wasn’t until that moment that he realized how deep into denial and repression he’d fallen. At the peak of anguish, he couldn’t bring his body to do any more than just the softest whisper. It wasn’t until Isabelle’s voice cut into his awareness once more that he felt how tense the room had become. </em>
  </em>
</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em></em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>       “That doesn’t mean <em>you<em> can’t be.” Izzy said, resembling their mother just for a moment as she turned to walk away, making sure her point was made. And it was. </em>
  </em>
</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em></em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>       <em>Truly<em>. It was.</em>
  </em>
</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em></em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yayyyy! Chapter 2 is finally done! I was so excited to get this one posted, but I never had any time to write! It was fr torture, I was so sad. I'm still working on figuring out the formatting with AO3, so I apologize for not having any indentions! There were some words that I tried to italicize but it just didn't want to work properly. I hope you guys like this chapter anyhow!! I had so much fun writing it! Enjoy! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Another Morning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"He turned to offer a greeting to Asmodeus, when his whole body went cold. His words froze in his throat. He took a weary step back and stared at the figure before him, for who he’d turned to spare a ‘Good Morning’ to was not his father; but his lost love, Alexander. He tried to reach into his own mind and shake away what he thought he saw. Perhaps to see his father instead, but after a few infinitely long moments, he realized that this was not the doing of his own imagination. Alec was really standing in front of him."</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus found himself getting less and less sleep lately, kept up by continuous worry and a burning sense of self awareness. All this time with his father had shown him how effectively he’d been fooling himself into believing he was a good person. He felt his own identity slipping away from him more and more as the days went on. He’d previously seen himself as a gentle, caring man who stood up for the things he loved and believed in, but as he got to know his father, he’d, just the same, doubted his own image. He realized how often he talked about himself, how often he inserted himself and his opinions (which were generally not very good ones) into situations where they’re not at all necessary, and how lonely his life would’ve been if his father hadn’t approached him. How lonely he would be if he decided to leave. </p>
<p>	This night in particular, Magnus couldn’t seem to quiet his mind for more than a mere 2 or 3 hours to get any kind of sleep before he’d found that the sun had risen behind the burgundy clouds. It was finally, unfortunately, morning. He walked around the halls of the castle aimlessly, tired and lost in thought, waiting to eventually run into his father somewhere. That’s how the mornings always went. Magnus would wake up, get ready, and walk around until he and Asmodeus crossed paths. He did wonder if his father slept at all, being a demon, but never had so much curiosity to ask. </p>
<p>	Once he’d found his way into the throne room, he looked around for any kind of company before sighing in dissatisfaction. He figured, at this point, if his father were anywhere it would either be here or in the dining room, and he’d passed the dining room a fine handful of times when he made his usual rounds of the castle floors. Accepting his first defeat of the day, he walked over to one of the many bookshelves that stood uselessly against the walls. Though they were all overflowing with books, all of them combined held the smallest percentage of the books in the room. The rest lay in stacks and piles all over the floor. He ran his fingers across the spine of a book, feeling the texture of the hand-pressed leather binding. </p>
<p>	The feeling brought on a moment of reminiscence of the years when books were expensive and rare, having to be bound by hand. If you wanted a book, you would have to find an individual merchant willing to spend the time to make one for you. His mind made to remind him of all the people he’d met, loved, and despised back then, when a familiar presence swiftly passed behind him. He felt a jolt spark in his shoulders, but certainly not a strong one. He’d grown used to his father making surprise appearances, though it still gave him a fraction of that sinking feeling that he’d gotten on that cold New York afternoon. </p>
<p>	He turned to offer a greeting to Asmodeus, when his whole body went cold. His words froze in his throat. He took a weary step back and stared at the figure before him, for who he’d turned to spare a ‘Good Morning’ to was not his father; but his lost love, Alexander. He tried to reach into his own mind and shake away what he thought he saw. Perhaps to see his father instead, but after a few infinitely long moments, he realized that this was not the doing of his own imagination. Alec was really standing in front of him.</p>
<p>	“Magnus…” Alexander’s voice was soft and kind, but it echoed in Magnus’s brain with incredible volume, slamming through every muscle in his body. It was his voice. It was <em>his<em> voice. “Magnus, I know that this is out of the blue. I know I have no right to show up here like this, but you need to come with me.” Alec reached a hand out towards Magnus but he quickly pulled away. All of the nerves in Magnus’s body lit up inside him as he instinctively brought his arms to shield his chest. His whole body was riddled with fear and relief and excitement and painful remembrance. </em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>	Magnus took another step back, and just as he did, Alec followed, reaching out to hold his upper arms. Magnus knew the movement. Alec continued to explain. “Asmodeus is gone, but we don’t have a lot of ti-”<br/>
“Gone? What do you mean he’s gone?”<br/>
“Magnus, I don’t have time to explain, just-”<br/>
“Stop it.”<br/>
Magnus shuddered out his response, as rigid in his stance as stone is in ice. “Stop.” He continued in quick succession. Alec froze where he stood. His hands slowly fell from where they had layn in the air, and Magnus watched as confusion and hurt painted his ex-love’s face. “Stop saying my name.” Magnus finished. His shoulders slowly relaxed, and he let his chest fall from being strung up so high. He watched Alec carefully, trying hopelessly to decipher the mystery of the situation. Alec had left him, making it perfectly clear that he’d fallen out of love after Magnus lost his magic. There’s no reason for him to be here. Alec <em>told<em> him that he didn’t want him in his life anymore.</em></em></em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>“I know what you’re thinking..” Alec said. “I’ll explain more when we get back to New York, but I just-.. I realized how stupid I was, leaving you. I came to save you and bring you back so we could.. Start over?” Magnus winced, confused and pained by Alec’s explanation. He just ‘realized?’ After leaving him so dryly when Magnus was the most vulnerable, he just decided that he wanted to <em>start over<em>? Even after so much time apart, Magnus would’ve never imagined Alec would do something like that. He wouldn’t, it wasn’t like Alexander to be so fleeting about his emotions. Magnus shook his emotions off of his sleeve and pushed those thoughts aside. It wasn’t the time or place for that. </em></em></em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>“Save me?” Magnus questioned. “I don’t need saving. How’d you even know I was here?” He was no longer shrinking into himself. He stood up straight, pushed his shoulders back and gave Alec his best look of defiance and independence. <em>Quite the facade. Truly a performance unmatched.<em> His mind babbled on, and he just prayed that he could manage to keep those thoughts from creeping onto his face. Alec hesitated, not breaking eye contact for even a moment before stepping in close once more. Magnus did not flinch. “We always find our way back to each other, don’t we?” Alec asked softly, successfully placing his hands against Magnus’s upper arms. </em></em></em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>The questions that began to form in Magnus’s mind melted away along with his facade as he remembered the last time Alec had said that to him. Magnus had missed Alec. Dearly and greatly, he did. And now, that was soaking through his hard expression, clear as day. Alec watched as Magnus’s eyes softened and his body relaxed. He knew he’d hit Magnus’s soft spot, and he took the opportunity it gave him. He tightened his grip on Magnus’s arms and pulled him ever so slightly towards his own body. “We can talk more about this when we get back to the Institute, but we have to go now, before Asmodeus gets back.” He said, quite persuasively. Magnus paused for a few long moments before nodding hesitantly, still staring up at Alec with simultaneously longing and pained eyes. </em>
              </em>
            </em>
          </em>
        </em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>
          <em>
            <em>
              <em>
                <em>Fear rose in the warlock’s throat as he did so, realizing how much weight that impulsive decision really held. He had almost lost himself in his thoughts again as it dawned on him, but he was quickly pulled back into reality when he felt Alec’s touch fade from his arms. Shocked and confused, he looked to examine the Shadowhunter’s face when he found that the figure that was standing in front of him had dissipated. Disappeared out of thin air. He looked around quickly, praying that he wasn’t alone again. </em>
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                  <em><em>And then he wasn’t<em>.<em></em></em>
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                    <em>“You want to tell me about trust?” Asmodeus’s voice creeped up Magnus’s back and the fear he’d held in his throat quickly escaped in the form of a choked sob. He covered his mouth with one hand, trying desperately to keep anything more that would give his devastation away down. Somewhere, deep inside of him, he knew that it wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. “I believed in you, Magnus. For a moment, I truly thought that maybe you loved me.” Asmodeus’s words stung deep in his heart with a fiery burn, and he leaned forward, keeping his hand to his mouth. “What a fool I am.” Asmodeus said, stepping forward until he was as close as possible behind Magnus.</em>
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                    <em>“Magnus, I am your father. I took you in. I gave you power, and love, and a home, and you do something like this to me? Why do you <em>continue<em> to betray me like this?” He made sure the appropriate ratios of threat and despair were laced in his tone. Magnus fought for breath, taking his hand off of his mouth and grasping his shirt instead. He fought his body to try not to choke on the guilt that crashed through him, and he gasped in shaky air, standing up straight once more. Or, at least, as straight as he could with all of his muscles begging to curl into each other. He attempted to form a reply, or an apology, or any words at all, but his father was already speaking before he could succeed. </em></em></em>
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                        <em>“You need to learn, Magnus, that those people do not love you. They loved Alec, and he used to love you. You allowed them to convince you that you were worth that much to them, and you just <em>weren’t<em>.” Asmodeus explained, and finally, for once, his voice matched his words. </em></em></em>
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                              <em>Sharp.<em></em></em>
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                                <em>Magnus’s heart clenched. He’d always had that fear somewhere within him, that the Lightwoods along with Clary and Simon didn't <em>really<em> love him, but he’d just allowed himself to believe that they did because he needed <em>somebody<em> to. “But you are to <em>me<em>, my boy. I love you so much, and I always will.” Asmodeus’s reassurance did offer a warm relief to Magnus, even if it were only a small one. “Do not ever try to leave me again, do you understand me?” Magnus swallowed, feeling trapped and threatened as much as he did relieved that his father wasn’t doing worse. “If you decide to walk out of those doors, they will close. And I will <em>never<em>.. Open them for you again.” </em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em></em>
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                                                <em>The finality of Asmodeus’s statement sent shrill vibrations rolling up Magnus’s spine. He knew if he tried to speak he might find himself screaming or wailing or otherwise, so Magnus just nodded, not daring to turn and face his father. It was silent for a moment before he heard a scuff behind him, followed by the fading footsteps of his father’s dress shoes. Magnus stood still and quiet for what seemed like yet another immeasurable amount of time before he let out a long breath. He was so lucky that his father hadn’t just kicked him out right then. He wasn’t alone. That was more than he could ask for.</em>
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                                                <em>And then he remembered the sight of Alec. The feeling of seeing Alec again. What he <em>thought<em> was Alec. And he cried. Tears fell, and the relentless continuance of time stabbed him in the chest once again. He couldn’t run away with Alec. None of that had really happened. Alec left after he’d lost his magic and he <em>stayed gone<em>. All that was ever really there was Magnus, Asmodeus, and the Castle. And it was still, unfortunately,</em></em></em></em></em>
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                                                        <em>Morning.</em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Woohoo! Chapter 3 is up! This one is long!! I'm still trying to figure out formatting in AO3, and for some reason I can only Italicize one thing per chapter? I don't know,  but hopefully things will get better soon! This chapter is a tough one! I hope you guys enjoy!! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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